Wednesday 11 February 2009

Pinstripes don't go with pinstripes

Hey dudes--I'm not sure what sort of misguided, fading star of a metro sexual dreamt this one up but a vast number of you are committing a huge fashion faux pas. I'm no fashionista, actually I'm a computer geek, but I know a problem when I see a problem and this one's right up there with pink men's shirts. Let's admit it, if we don't get this sorted out internally, the women will sort it for us and that's rarely helpful. 

So, pinstripes: two simple rules apply. 

Rule # 1 is simple: pinstripe suits (or pants and jackets) are for sales dicks and aspirational middle managers. Only. Don't wear pinstripes unless you want the world to know you're a wanker.

Rule # 2 is a bit tougher to grasp but it's the most important of the two rules: never, ever (ever!!!) wear pinstriped pants and a pinstriped shirt, it just doesn't work unless you're going for the clown look. 

Now let's say you've recognised the error of your ways re. rule # 1 but you unknowingly invested in a wardrobe of pinstriped pants and suits and whatnot; men aren't women--there's no point in throwing away good clothes so you'll need to wind down slowly and rebuild. That's perfectly okay but in this case it becomes all the more important to heed rule # 2. Go for your life with the pinstripes in the jacket and pants department but ease back with the shirt pinstripes--don't go for the striped shirt at all, actually. Solid, bright colours on top are your only option--even pink is preferable. If you're still feeling a bit lost, go for the french cuffs and a good tie (with stripes, even). Sales dicks, you're okay in pinstripes but the same applies as far as rule # 2 goes.

By the way, in addition to the ladies, you've also really got to watch mothers and epileptics with this one. The root of the problem lies in the repetition and balance of it all. Stripes with unmatched stripes (or checks or a stripey weave--think herringbone) are too busy. Varying stripe width or direction is no excuse. And no, this is not about matching--think more about contrast when it comes to textures.

I'm hoping this is an isolated Perth thing and the men of this city somehow mixed up jacket vs shirt concepts. Either way, let's get you guys sorted out and move on.

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